I have an aunt that cries all the time. I love her – she is more than an aunt. She is my sister, friend, spiritual guide, aunt, therapist, and the list goes on. Crying comes natural and from my perspective easy.
I am not that person. I don’t cry. I just don’t. It isn’t that I choose to not cry- I have days I want the tears to be released and just flow. Just maybe that will solve the current struggle.
In the past year, however, I cry at church. Every. Time. This was worrisome to a degree. Now, I know it shouldn’t cause great concern, but it did. As simple as that- it did. I would have a great Sunday morning and walk into church willing myself, convincing myself that I had absolutely no reason to cry. I am so very blessed. I would leave the service with watered down eyes.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 (NIV) a time to week and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance … 7 a time to tear and a time to mend…
My story of storms in the recent year(s), honestly, left me utterly broken. Fallen, unable to get up, unable to do basic daily life… but blessed because I feel at his feet. What a great landing place. As I redefined my life, with my new scars and embracing some new flaws. I am a child of God – and the scars from the storm – really have hit home in my heart –
with because of my scars and flaws- how much grace, love, guidance, understanding has been poured over me by God daily. I don’t mourn every Sunday. My eyes well up, my voice cracks complete overwhelmed by this realization. He did restore what I thought I lost. He drew me near. He ran to me. When I couldn’t fly he carried me up the mountain. He listened to my cries, my prayers, my unspoken pleas- he gave me peace in a storm that couldn’t have produced peace. He gave me strength. He loved me. He loves me. The unmeasurable gratitude that fills my spirit- I redeclare my love for him. I redeclare my desire to forever be his. To forever love him. To feel that, especially in his house – brings on the tears.
For. The. Love. Of Tears – Every thankful Sunday … and quite a few days in between.