First background note- when I am overwhelmed with thoughts- I tend to read and/or write. If I am overwhelmed with one particular person, especially if emotionally fueled, I write letters. They are not always delivered.
I was reading through some sermon notes from Steven Furtick- this particular sermon was titled “Knock Knock”. It has been a tough parenting day and I was writing some notes and thoughts – and this particular sermon spoke to me in the moment and I used my notes to draft a letter that started like this…
You will learn living in a relationship with God you will be able to discern when God is knocking with opportunities and the right people. And if you don’t listen to that or fail to have a relationship with God, you will open the door to the enemy and people who may even bring you immediate feel good feelings – but it is destructive to your true relationships and you will miss the opportunities that are best for your future. We all want opportunities to come our way, and most opportunities are weird because they don’t always look like opportunities and you are waiting for the challenges to disappear and be free. But obedience comes before freedom and opportunities. The door is already open – you have to be obedient and go through it. Every second you spend waiting for something miraculous to happen- already happened. You just need to be obedient and take action and go through it to reach the opportunity.
The letter went on to address some of the most immediate concerns. When I was done, I saved it and closed it. Something was bothering me and I initially pushed it out of my mind. I finally went back and re-read the letter. I had an ouch moment. This is an epiphany that hurts… but in a good way. It helps pave the next steps. I realized this is so so sooooooooo applicable to my battle with weight.
I am not obedient to what I need to do. I choose to have emotions drive my eating or not eating (because it isn’t always what I put in my mouth- but some days its I didn’t eat anything). I battle with the balance between the two. I very rarely have a day that I can look at and be proud of the food choices I make. I may try to blame my schedule, not having enough help at home, or whatever- but I KNOW it is me. I am not obedient to the cries of my body and the knowledge of my head. I jump to open the door to the choices that make me feel good or better in the moment. Amazing- in one of our toughest parenting seasons- I am learning more about myself that anything (and not just as a parent). So I am calling myself out- maybe that will add a level of accountability. I am committing to a new game plan starting today. I am very lucky that my family is very supportive. (They really always are).
Confession – I know not “confession day” here on OverFlawed Mom.- but you have a right to know LOL. As I sat here, putting my notes together- I am craving nice warm fluffy pancakes. The only thing stopping me, is the fact that our house is small and I will likely wake someone or all up and would have to share. Clearly my Ouch moment hasn’t really sunk in. #WorkInProgress