For the Love… Of Time

Looking back almost 2 years ago, I made a drastic change in my career. Along with the theme of my journey, testimony- I truly believe God was using that day to prepare me for a day coming. I just had no idea.

I had walked in my faith my 4 years as a middle school administrator … so many words from the good Lord have come through the countless moments shared by staff, parents, community and students. That place not only tested my faith and purpose but solidified it. I can honestly say I had NEVER been truly blessed to work at place that really had become a second home … because they were family and one serious part of my heart.  I tend to be a fairly private person in my personal faith struggles and accomplishments. I spend allot of my commute (50 min each way) praising the Lord, listening to sermons, or quiet praying. This was definitely worth my time – but I had pushed (due to a natural urge) to increase that time in a place I could write and reflect on the word of the Lord, and well this just could not happen in my commute. My hours at work were long and my time with my family was limited.

The year prior to that time, I had started prayer journaling, stopped prayer journaling, made a mobile war room, packed up the mobile war room, and finally create a corner of our bedroom with a small desk, a chair, a fresh plant, and pens- my bible, mobile war room and journal.

So I had this space created – at the time I was working on prayer journaling (Something I need to get back to). I remember this particular Saturday and I dug deep and wrote…Dear Lord I admit I have not been good at being still. Being quiet. Listening to your guidance. I admit I have voices that I doubt. Is this the devil messing with the path you have provided – or is this you oh Lord. “ I move to prayer requests … “ Oh dear Lord if this is not your guidance help me to quiet the distractions. Dear Lord if this is your guidance please help me find the confidence to trust the voices and help me find and balance my time to fully give to this calling, I think I hear.  Help me with the strength to carry out your wishes/plan. Please, please, help me find the time to achieve this.”

Later in the day a listing for a position teaching engineering catches my eye. I fly by it, not paying much attention.

Sunday I go to bed thinking of all the things to be done Monday. I toss and turn for hours about that job. I finally email the principal about the school and position. Go to bed and think nothing much of it.

In a whirlwind of a week – I visited the school, interviewed, and was offered the position. This opportunity- was not at all on the “path” I had created for myself. I prayed allot.  I prayed – I asked was this a joke – I felt I finally was finding my groove and loved to school I was at. I started to think about the staff, the students, my hopes and dreams for future programs. I was convinced this was a cruel joke – the school was amazing and now I get an opportunity like this. Where was this a few years earlier when I questioned my place and purpose at this school.  I cried. I told the Lord OK I hear you. I slept.

I awoke with such peace about my future, my time with mini me and to dig deeper with my relationship with the Lord. I awoke with a hurting heart for all of my work family. As I look back at that whirlwind of a week. I also realized that opportunity did not come when I was seeking an opportunity so hard – because I was too busy to seeking my purpose and place in life. It came at that time because I had shifted my focus to seek him and then he will provide the purpose and path to get there- sometimes without us even realizing it happened. And even later from that moment, again I realized he was preparing me then for what was coming.

 

Bedroom Food Confession #1

Confession

So not even in 12 hours into posting again and I have a confessionBut first…. what in the heck is bedroom food. So imagine yourself hosting a picnic/BBQ. Go ahead close your eyes…. scratch that – keep reading. Any who – picnic hosting…. friends and family bring dishes to pass. In comes that cousin – with the to die for brownies (insert here what ever you crave). You hug them and thank them for bringing the brownies. When they go out to the deck to say hi to everyone else – you covertly take a good stash of the brownies (OK who are we joking – you take all but 2) to the bedroom. Return to the food table and work those 2 single brownies into the table scape.

After the day is over and you have finished cleaning up – you put the kids to bed, you wish the hubs a good night and head to the bedroom – and have a brownie.Every women should have some bedroom food. Bedroom food saves lives. OK maybe that is extreme …. maybe not.

Confession – not even a day into my re-entry of the blog-o-sphere, with a plan to share my our story/storm through my eyes over the coming weeks/months- and I am overwhelmed. Not with the story sharing- but how many “arrows” have been aimed in my direction to cause me to loose focus. Focus on God, daily digging into the word, focus on my kids needs, focus on my husbands needs, focus on this deep desire (that I can not explain to write). So many things the last 2 days. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING major – each individual “arrow” wouldn’t even have been remembered 5 minutes later, typically. OK- maybe the crazy women who purposefully put her car into reverse at a busy red light and backed into me – but the rest of it would have been easily forgotten in 5 minutes. But the onslaught of 1,000,001 arrows at once- has me off kilter. 

My husband took me for a short drive for a needed cup of delicious coffee, on this cold rainy evening. When we pulled back into our driveway – I could have sat in the car for hours to hide. Maybe it is the super-moon, maybe it is coincidence, maybe it’s the enemy, maybe it’s PMS, maybe I needed a cookie with that coffee? So who has the bedroom food… I’ll be there in 5 minutes. My husband is on a diet and we have nothing.

For the Love… and courage.

For. The. Love. Y’all…. I am back. Helllllooooo for those who are still with me. WELCOME to those who are new.

2017: I had started a blog a few years ago to share stories of wife-hood, motherhood, and school administrator-hood. As a number based person, I surprising loved to write and share.  During this process – I had this deep yearning to spend more time on my blog. I prayed about it, I prayed about a job opportunity that would give me the time to devote to it. I started a new site, planned my exit from the over-worked hours of a school administrator and had lots of new content drafted and planned.

2018: The life as I knew it changed. “The storm” hit. I “went off grid.” (more on this to come)

January 2019– I jumped. Fast and furious, I jumped on the band wagon- one word.

Courage2

Today – In the past two months, I have been working on what this means (more on that in future posts) – but what I can tell you – what I realize now is all that prep in 2017 of the blog and job change, the unexplainable growth in my faith walk, and the grace through the storm of 2018, God was using that day to prepare me for this day. In the coming weeks and quite realistically months- I will have the courage to bring my perspective of, what I refer to as “the storm.” 

Full disclosure, I have NO idea who I am writing this for- but it has been placed on my heart, for someone.  I have, literally, lost sleep about ignoring this. I hope that you are willing to come along for the ride and share with anyone you feel moved to share with.