For the Love … of Love
Insider Information: For. The. Love. Thursday series- has a meaning. I use the saying For. The. Love. allot. This saying in my life- is usually used when I don’t have the words. Can be tied to frustration. Can be tied to unknowing Can be tied to unexpected laughter. It really covers the gamut.
Those who have followed me when this blog first started years ago (before my hiatus) – know I work in education. For my followers who have joined since my return to the blogging world, I left administration to return to the classroom a couple years ago. I work on the University of North Carolina at Charlotte campus. Yes that campus- with the shooting Tuesday.
For. The. Love. .. The last 36 hours have been surreal. Exhausting. The feels and thoughts. Grieving the innocence lost on so many of my students. Grieving the world my kids are growing up in. Grieving that students now a days know if they see running to join in step, not ask questions- just run. That sound and sight of the alert on a phone, in a classroom, on the campus TVs – telling you to “Run. Hide. Fight. Secure yourself.” Grieving that you almost expect to see it at some point. But God….. But Riley who tackled the gunman. But God’s hand in having such a heart positioned in the right place at the right time- to protect his other children. So yesterday I grieved for the loss of so much- and Lyrics from While I Wait – brought some peace yesterday.
Your promises remain
You’re faithful every day
Your promises remain
Though I don’t understand it
I will worship with my pain
You are God, You are worthy
You are with me all the way
So while I wait, I will worship
Lord, I’ll worship Your name
Though I don’t have all the answers
Still I trust You all the same
But today- Joy. This doesn’t mean the UNCC community and myself aren’t still grieving so much… But today I choose joy. Joy for the amazing co-workers, students, families, and the rest of the UNCC community and the outpouring love. Joy of the impromptu breakfast date this morning. Joy for the amazing sunshine that was out on my extended walk to my work building from the parking deck. Joy for the amazing love, support, and faith pouring out on campus. But God. But Joy.
James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,”
So show love by choosing joy today and pray for the Niner Nation.
You know when I was a beginning teacher- I knew I had to improve in my brain. But, in my heart I thought I was the next best thing next to sliced bread. Now, years upon years later, I lay awake, sleepless some nights, tossing and turning, because I feel like I am not good enough. The truth is- I have grown exponentially since year one. I am so much better now then I was then. The more I hone in on my craft, the farther I feel I am from the finish line.
On my morning drive I realized- this is how I feel in my faith walk.Years ago- I thought I was a great, not perfect, but great Christian women. My faith walk has endured storms, attacks, lulls, and I have been tested and tested over and over. I am so much closer to the Lord, my relationship has grown so much. Yet, I feel so much farther from the finish line. Funny how real growth, from a seed into a baby plant – growth out of the darkness (dirt), actually makes you realize how much more distance you have to get to the clouds.
So not even in 12 hours into posting again and I have a confession. But first…. what in the heck is bedroom food. So imagine yourself hosting a picnic/BBQ. Go ahead close your eyes…. scratch that – keep reading. Any who – picnic hosting…. friends and family bring dishes to pass. In comes that cousin – with the to die for brownies (insert here what ever you crave). You hug them and thank them for bringing the brownies. When they go out to the deck to say hi to everyone else – you covertly take a good stash of the brownies (OK who are we joking – you take all but 2) to the bedroom. Return to the food table and work those 2 single brownies into the table scape.
After the day is over and you have finished cleaning up – you put the kids to bed, you wish the hubs a good night and head to the bedroom – and have a brownie.Every women should have some bedroom food. Bedroom food saves lives. OK maybe that is extreme …. maybe not.
Confession – not even a day into my re-entry of the blog-o-sphere, with a plan to share
my our story/storm through my eyes over the coming weeks/months- and I am overwhelmed. Not with the story sharing- but how many “arrows” have been aimed in my direction to cause me to loose focus. Focus on God, daily digging into the word, focus on my kids needs, focus on my husbands needs, focus on this deep desire (that I can not explain to write). So many things the last 2 days. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING major – each individual “arrow” wouldn’t even have been remembered 5 minutes later, typically. OK- maybe the crazy women who purposefully put her car into reverse at a busy red light and backed into me – but the rest of it would have been easily forgotten in 5 minutes. But the onslaught of 1,000,001 arrows at once- has me off kilter.
My husband took me for a short drive for a needed cup of delicious coffee, on this cold rainy evening. When we pulled back into our driveway – I could have sat in the car for hours to hide. Maybe it is the super-moon, maybe it is coincidence, maybe it’s the enemy, maybe it’s PMS, maybe I needed a cookie with that coffee? So who has the bedroom food… I’ll be there in 5 minutes. My husband is on a diet and we have nothing.